Peter’s Blog

BLDGBLOG: The mine hijackers

Glaciers are the future of architectural design.

I just finished Metal Gear Solid Ac!d² and here is what I learned:

1. There is no acid trip in the game. Neither are there any other drug-induced trips included, unless you include the lame 3D vision mode (yes, flimsy 3D glasses included!).
2. Mercenaries are totally badass. Forget what you thought about them being the washed-up dogs of war, they’re actually the elite of the elite!
3. The ICC is very powerful and rogue American generals quake in fear at the thought of being handed over to them.
4. It is totally consistent with being an elite military agent to wear a red and black leather mini dress that just barely covers your ass and to have breasts that porn stars would be jealous of.
5. All women, including trained killers and experienced scientists, have massive breasts and like to wear low cut shirts that leave little to the imagination. Their bosoms heave dramatically at the slightest exertion, such as stretching.
6. It is perfectly logical to mount nuclear weapons on a 40 foot tall experimental bipedal robot (a Metal Gear).
7. Two people can take down a Metal Gear with little more than pistol fire and the occasional rifle shot when 8 Abrams tanks firing on it all at once have no effect and planes wouldn’t even dare attempt to attack.
8. A Metal Gear can unleash multiple barrages of missiles, machine gun fire, and laser bursts but the hanger it is in won’t be affected at all.
9. It is unremarkable that a defence contractor’s chief of security is twice the size of a normal man, wears a black and red trench coat with Nazi symbols, a pickelhaube, and a metal face mask behind which his eyes occasionally glow neon blue.
10. It is not inconsistent that the Chief of Security’s name is Vince. He has the demeanour and long, dirty blond hair of a surfer.
11. Most guns have an effective range of about 20 feet.
12. The M4 is the least deadly gun in existence in terms of damage per bullet.
13. Only weak and completely unprotected soldiers will be killed by a Claymore or grenade. Most operatives just shrug it off.
14. It is possible to dodge the burst of an assault rifle fired at you from a foot in front of you.
15. Mind control and human cloning is very real. The process of creating mind-controlled clones always gives them the ability to walk on ceilings, ignore the effects of flames, and other such improbable things.
16. The revelation of mind-controlled killer clones and rampaging robots will shake the world’s political and economic systems to their very cores.